I belong with you. You belong with me, my sweetheart.

Dear Patrick,

   These past two years have flown by. Our lives are drastically different than they were when we said we do.

   This journey has not been easy. We have dealt with grief. We have dealt with sorrow. We have dealt with things that no person should. We have been through hell and back, and we are still here. We are standing. We are united, and I can honestly say that I love you so much more deeply than I did on that cold night when we said forever. 

    I can't begin to express to you how thankful I am for you. While I can't ever repay you for the way you love me, I can love you with every fiber of my being, and hope that it's enough. I love you. Truly, madly, and deeply. I love you so much it hurts. I love waking up to see your face every morning. I love hearing you laugh. I love seeing joy spread across your face. You are the forever my soul was searching for. You are the song my heart was singing. You are the adventure I longed for, and I am so blessed to have found you. 

   In you my heart has found a home.

   I love you... Infinitely.

        -Victoria 

You made a human, give yourself a break already...

I had a conversation with my best friend recently. She is 3 weeks postpartum, and looks radiant. She gained a completely normal amount of weight, and has a gorgeous little girl now. She is successfully breast feeding, and all is as it should be... Except it's not. She told me how upset she was that the scale wasn't moving, and that she thought her body was ruined.

3 weeks postpartum. 

This is a problem.

I have my own confession to make. When I was pregnant with Lukas I gained an obscene amount of weight. (to the tune of 80 pounds) I ate healthy. I exercised. My body had other plans. I was developing HELLP syndrome. I literally could feel fluid sloshing in my feet. I had major pitting edema. I ended up on bed rest for weeks before Lukas was born. I did not enjoy my pregnancy. 

Immediately after giving birth, I was nursing Lukas, and the nurse came to ask me about food. I vividly remember thinking I didn't want to eat, because I had to lose my baby weight. I had just given birth to my child, and was stressing about losing baby weight.

A few days after I gave birth I decided I was going to ride my bike. One of our friend's daughter asked me if I had another baby in my tummy because I was still "fat." I laughed it off until I was alone, and then I went and cried. I had always been fit. No one had ever called me fat before, and while it was a child who didn't know better, I was so upset. I decided to ride my bike. I made it around the block, and paid for it for several days afterward.

There were times as I was losing the weight that my husband would have to make me eat, because I didn't want to. I would get weak, and dizzy, and it wasn't healthy. I was so concerned with seeing the number on the scale go back down, that I was compromising my health to make it happen.

I would venture to say that I am not the first, nor will I be the last women to be in this situation, and that is a tragedy. It's a shame that as women we feel such pressure to be back in our pre-pregnancy form so quickly. It's a shame that this pressure distracts from bonding with our little one. It's a shame that women are shedding tears because they don't bounce back immediately.

We grew humans! In our bellies! Forgive yourself already... So what it took you 2 years to lose it all! You can get back to where you want to be... Give yourself a break! 

So what you have stretch marks! They will fade, and you can rock a bikini again! 

Rather than lament the fact that your pre-pregnancy jeans dig into your hips, and give you a record-breaking muffin top, go out and get a pair of jeans that make you feel like a million bucks. Put the yoga pants away, and put on clothes that fit. You deserve to feel like you are beautiful. 

As women we have to celebrate what our bodies are capable of, rather than hate our jiggly parts. We are remarkable creatures. We are powerful. We are stronger than we even know ourselves. 

It's time to celebrate what we've gained, not mourn the bodies we think we've lost.

We are remarkable...

Lukas

Yesterday started like a normal day.

Lukas woke up with a big old grin on his face, as if to say "I'm happy it's your day to stay with me!"

We woke up, and got dressed. I made him a 3 egg omelet with spinach, and feta, and he promptly wolfed it down. We went outside and swung on his swing. He laughed, and kicked his feet, and was mad at me when it was time to go in. 

We went inside, and I decided to take him to the park. We load up, and head out. Lukas played for an hour. He was running. He was laughing. He was playing. He was mad at me when I said it was time to go.

We get home, and wake up daddy. 

Lukas plays for a bit. I pick him up to put him down for his nap. He feels warm. Take his temp 101.4. Not too concerned. He's had worse. Give him a half dose of Motrin (we ran out, so Patrick ran to Walgreens) put a cool compress on him. He falls asleep nursing. 

 

. 

I take him upstairs, and lay him down. Aspen goes upstairs, and start licking him, and he wakes up. I smack Aspen, frustrated that she would wake my sick baby. I'm thankful she did now.

He's up and I feel him. He is burning up. I take his temp with our temporal 103.6, take it again because it's rarely consistent. 102.5. Find another thermometer and take it under his arm. 103.4. Give him the rest of his dose of Motrin, and call his godmother, who is a nurse at Arkansas children's hospital. Tells me to watch him, and she would want his temp to go down under 100 with meds. She tells me the risk with high temps is seizures, and I start getting freaked out. Take his temp every 15 minutes, if it's not going down get his butt to the ER. 

Got a game plan.

We watch him. 102.4. 101.8. 100.4. I'm feeling way better about it. 

We make him some soup. He hardly eats, but he had a big breakfast. He's playing with his food, and smiling. He's drinking lots of fluids. I'm okay with how he's doing.

Patrick takes him upstairs for a nap.

I dose off on the couch. 

Patrick wakes me up around 5:15ish to tell me he's getting ready for work, and tells me to go up with Lukas. I get upstairs, and lay down. Patrick goes in the bathroom to take a shower. 

I feel Lukas. He is burning up again. I'm about to get up to get the thermometer when his little body starts shaking. His eyes roll back, and he's gagging on his tongue, and his face is white. I can't remember what your supposed to do in this situation. My thoughts are a jumble. I instinctually scoop him up, and start screaming for Patrick. I kick the door running to the car. I have no shoes. I have no purse. I have my baby in my arms. I hold him, crying the entire 3 minutes to the ER. His jaw is clenched up, and he is in a trance-like state. Patrick is driving like a madman. 

We get there, and she's asking me questions. I don't really know what I'm saying.

"Don't ask me things just fix my son."

The take us to a room, and take his vitals. 105.5. That's all I hear.

I hold my son who is screaming at this point. I nurse him, and he calms down. They give him Tylenol. 

We go to the waiting room. Patrick calls my sister in law and she brings me shoes, and my phone. I call his godmother again, and tell her he had a seizure. She tells me she is calling her mom, who is an ER nurse at the hospital we're at. 

Stacy (the mom) comes in. She feels his head. She says "he's still burning up. I'm going to find you guys a room." 5 minutes later we have a room.

Stacy tells us if we have any problems let her know. An overwhelming sense of gratitude floods over me.

The doctor comes in shortly after. Examines him. Looks for any other signs of infection. Ears-good. Throat- good. Snot-clear. He tells us that they are going to run some tests, because the only sign of infection he has is fever, and the need to figure out what's wrong. He says some other things, but all I hear is chest X-ray, catheter, blood work. That's what we're in for.

They take his temp again. 102.5. It's amazing how cool 102.5 feels.

An X-ray tech comes in, and wheels Lukas and I off to get the chest X-ray. "1 parent allowed." I hear.

As she's wheeling us down, she asks if I have ever seen a chest X-ray for an toddler. I hadn't. She starts telling me they are going to put him in this corset like shielding, and he's going to scream, but he'll be fine... Tears come streaming down my face. They tell me it's time for me to leave the room, so I do, and I cry as I hear him screaming for me through the door.

It's over. And I hold him, and he calms down in my arms.

Back to our room we go.

He falls asleep on my chest. 

A nurse pokes in and tells me she is going to get supplies for the cath, and blood work. She asks how I'm going to be, and decides that it would be best if Patrick handled this, as I'm crying. 

She comes back with supplies, and a helper to hold down my baby. I lose it. Out in the hall I go listening to my son screaming. And I cry. I go in after the cath, and he looks at me with those big blue eyes, pleading with me to scoop him up. I kiss him, and stroke his forehead, and then back to the hall I have to go.

Then the blood work.. I lost it. The sweet, young, nurse couldn't get enough blood, so she goes to get another nurse, and I hold him while we wait. He calms down. 

Then a very manly male nurse comes in, and puts in a hep lock.. Just in case they need to draw more blood or anything after. 

I hate "just in cases." 

Lukas falls asleep in my arms.

The doctor comes in, and tells me the results of his tests. Blood- clean. Urine- clean. X-Ray- consistent with a viral infection. We just have to let it run it's course. Alternate Motrin, and Tylenol every 3 hours to keep the fever down. Lots of fluids. Follow up with his primary care physician on Monday. 

The nurse comes in to take his temp. 97.7. Discharge is coming soon.

"When can we take the hep-lock out?"

"Mary will do that."

Hep-lock out. Discharge papers. We head home. 

We shower to wash of the hospital germs, and climb into bed.

Lukas slept. All night. No temp. No seizures.

This morning we woke up a tangled nest of three, and Lukas smiled at me a great, big grin. Like nothing ever happened. 

There is a special place in hell for you...

To the inventor of the toddler carrier seat for bikes,

     I would just like to know what kind of sick joke it is you are trying to play? Did you actually think strapping a wiggly toddler to the back of a self propelled two-wheeled vehicle was a brilliant idea? I bet you fall asleep every night laughing at all the yuppie first time moms and dads who fall for your scheme. 

 

       "Look honey, this bicycle seat is just as effective as the bike cart, and a third of the price. Why don't we get it?" 

   I'll tell you why you don't get it you poor, hapless schmuck- because toddler's wiggle when they get excited, and in order counteract the wobble to their wiggle you need more abdominal strength than the entire Chinese gymnastics team combined. 

  

  This is where the sick joke comes in... Chances are if you are a female, and you are trying to take a toddler for a ride in this sick torture device you probably birthed a child... Which means you probably don't have the abs of a Navy Seal... Which means after three minutes or so you probably have muttered every curse word you can think of, and maybe made up a couple for posterity. 

  

     You see this lady? She is a liar! She is not happy, and if she is happy it's only because she isn't moving!

         So to you, Mr. (Or Ms.- I don't discriminate) Inventor- There is a special place in hell for people like you. 

Good day to you!!!

A touch of Southern charm...

A long time ago, in a land far away my husband was a bachelor....

Not the sleaze-bucket kind featured on TV, (am I the only one in the world that finds that whole concept disgusting?!) but rather the my-house-has-hand-me-down-furniture-from-college-and-I-don't-know-what-to-do-with-it kind of bachelor... The answer to that question the majority of the time was burn it! Seriously... Any furniture that was upholstered in any way, shape, or form did not survive our union... With good reason! Anything laminate, we said adios to. What remained from his bachelor days were solid wood pieces, with good bones that needed some TLC. 

Presenting exhibit A... 

My wonderful husband loved this nightstand, and the matching dresser.

They were substantial, traditional, solid pieces. They were also in dire need of a face lift, so after much begging I finally got the go ahead to paint them.

First thing I did was remove the old hardware, and fill in the old holes with wood filler. I let the filler dry over night.

The next day, I sanded the crap out of the drawers and the tops of the dresser, and nightstand. I didn't sand the sides of the pieces because they were in pretty decent shape, and that's the beauty of chalk paint... There's not a whole lot of prep!

I used a home-made chalk paint, because I am not going to pay a bazillion dollars for something that will give me the same result (sorry Annie Sloan)

I went to Lowes and picked out a flat, indoor paint that tickled my fancy, and some plaster of Paris. 

When I got home I mixed one part plaster of Paris with warm water, and then 3 parts paint. It is important to mix the Plaster of Paris with the water first, otherwise you end up with a globby mess.

After I mixed my chalk paint I got to painting. I left the tops unpainted. I love the contrast of wood with paint. I only did one coat on these pieces because I liked how the blue from the old stain came through. 

FYI- this paint dries super quick... Like 30-45 minutes quick.

After the paint dried I took my trusty palm sander, and skimmed over the areas I wanted to distress.

 

Once I got the pieces distressed I stained the tops of the pieces. I picked a dark chestnut stain that contrasted the cream paint nicely.

Last, but certainly not least was new hardware! When I was getting the paint I saw these knobs that were everything I wanted for this piece. Classic. Southern. Whimsical. 

The pulls reminded me of the antique glass doorknobs, and I think they are perfect!

Actually, I lied... There was one more important step... Preserving the pieces.

To do this I used a plain and simple finishing wax by Minwax, and I got my inner karate kid on. Wax on, wax off....

All in all, I could not be more pleased with the transformations.

Until next time... À tout à l'houre!

So, I have a 1 year old...

It happened.

He's one.

This bundle of laughs and snuggles is one year old now. 

Sunday we had his birthday, and it was a big, wonderful, exhausting blur. It is a lot of work throwing a party with a baby! (Excuse me- toddler. Lukas is very sensitive about the "B" word now that he is one)

Lukas had a fishing birthday, complete with magnetic fishing poles for the kids to take home. 

 Word of advice- if you plan on giving out fishing poles, keep them away from little hands or you will spend hours untangling them. 

We had a fantastic BBQ. So much food! 

In keeping with the fishing theme we had cupcakes complete with fishing poles.

I loved how they turned out!

I made a cake too, and it was super yummy. Vanilla with an apple compote and whipped cream.

All in all, everything was pretty yummy. Lukas loved his cake! 

My only complaint would be that Lukas was exhausted during presents. I rushed through them in order to avoid a total meltdown. 

All in all we had a wonderful day, but I am thankful we only have to do it once a year... I'll probably need a full year to recuperate. :)

Until next time- love to all!

Summer salmon pasta

Confession- 90% of the cooking in our house is done by Patrick. It's not that I can't cook, (I'm actually quite proud of the culinary skill I possess.) but I work, and Patrick is a far better cook than I am. (Ladies, word of advice- Marry a man who can cook. And can cook well!) Patrick cooks with things like truffle oil, and saffron. I cook with love. No comparison.

All self-deprecating humor aside, we enjoy cooking together. I enjoy taking on the role of sous chef and letting him shine in the kitchen, but this recipe is not about him. This is my recipe, and it is knock your socks off yummy, and the reason that I could never give up fish. The best part is it is so simple. The way food should be.

To start you need:

*2 cups fusilli pasta

2- 4oz. Salmon fillets

1 bunch of asparagus

1 cup cremini mushrooms

1 cup sundried tomatoes (drained)

3 oz. of goat cheese

*You can use whatever pasta you prefer. I prefer fusilli or rotini because the cheese incorporates well into it.

Start your pasta water. Make sure you salt the water well to flavor the pasta.

Heat a sauté pan with oil (I use coconut, but olive works just fine too) to medium heat. 

Chop your asparagus into 1" slices. Slice your creminis, and chop the sundried tomatoes.

Season your salmon filets with a rub of salt and pepper. (And if you are feeling adventurous a tiny bit of cayenne gives a nice little kick)

When your water comes to a boil pour in your pasta. About halfway to al dente add the asparagus.

While the pasta is cooking start sautéing the creminis. Once the creminis are browned set aside in a large mixing bowl. 

In the same sauté pan, sauté your salmon filets until cooked through. Set aside.  I like to soak up the excess oil with a paper towel, but that's totally optional. Give the filets a rough chop and put in the bowl with the creminis.

When the pasta is al dente, drain the pasta and asparagus. Mix in with the salmon cremini mix. Immediately mix in the goat cheese. You want the pasta to still be hot so the cheese melts and incorporates well into the dish.

Salt to taste.

Next, the most controversial ingredient, the sun-dried tomato. Personally, I love them. I think they bring a great brightness to any dish, but not everybody feels the same way I do. My husband does not share my love for sun-dried tomatoes. So I put them in last. You could roast cherry tomatoes, and put them in as a substitute. Whatever you choose the dish is still delish!

This is by far my favorite summer dish. It is good hot, or cold, or here, or there, or in a house, or with a mouse... Or with a glass of sangria.

Wherever or however you choose to eat it it is delicious. I brought it last year to a potluck when we had our childbirth classes, and a room full of pregnant ladies and their husbands all concurred.

Happy meals (not the gross kind) lovebugs!

Dear Lukas- 2

Dear Lukas,

  I'm reflecting a lot right now. 

This is the last week before we celebrate your first lap around the sun, and as thrilled as I am watching you grow, I'm also a little sad at how quickly it goes by.

Today you stood unassisted for an extended time. You've been able to do this for some time now, but you just haven't trusted in yourself enough to do it. Your dad and I haven't pushed it. We knew that it would happen when you were good and ready, and not a moment sooner. So we waited. And today you stood. You stood tall. You stood proud. And then you fell to your bottom. And you did something wonderful. You clapped for yourself. You knew that you had done something great, and greatness deserves praise. I love that about you. 

Later today I was watching you crawl, and it hit me. You won't be crawling for much longer. Pretty soon you'll be walking, and I'll no longer hear the slap of your hands on the floor as you crawl from room to room. I'll no longer see your little butt wiggle from side to side when you are trying to crawl in a hurry. And with that thought as I happy as I was for your milestone today, I was sad that we are going to have to say goodbye to this phase in your life.

You have taught your dad and I so much in your short time on this planet. You have taught us what it really means to love whole-heartedly. You have taught us to see the greatness in the small things. You have taught us that life goes by in the blink of an eye, so live big. You did that. Just by being you.

Thank you.

You are loved. You are loved. You are loved. Always.

Skin smoothing scrub

When I found out I was pregnant with Lukas the first thing I did was went out and bought vitamin e capsules, and Palmer's cocoa butter. I applied both liberally daily, and yet my stomach was still covered in stretch marks. 

I don't care what your cousin's sister's best friend says, that stuff doesn't work. If you are one of the lucky ones who have the genetic predisposition to get stretch marks it is probably going to happen. If your cousin's sister's best friend did it every day and didn't get stretch marks, all that means is she probably wouldn't have gotten them if she didn't do that stuff either. 

Stretch marks happen. It's a fact. But they don't have to be forever.

See those deep reddish purple stretch marks? Those stayed around for a while.

Then I remembered I had used an under eye serum by Murad that had caffeine in it. It was one of those miracle serums that removed the red puffiness from my eyes, so I got to thinking.

If caffeine could do that for my eyes, maybe it could do the same for my stretch marks?

So I started experimenting, and I came up with a scrub that actually helps! I still have stretch marks, but they are now the same color as my skin... Huge improvement!

To start you need:

Coconut oil (extra-virgin whole kernel)

2 Tbsp Coffee grounds

2 Tbsp Sea salt

4 Tbsp Raw honey

Mason jar

Pour the coffee, sea salt, and raw honey in the mason jar. Fill the rest of the jar with coconut oil and mix thoroughly. Voila! That's it!

The ingredients in the scrub were thought out, and put in for a reason.

Coconut oil is extremely moisturizing, and healing. I'm not going to go into all the benefits of coconut oil, but I can't sing its praises enough! It is a wonderful product. Make sure that you are buying a high quality coconut oil. Some of the cheaper brands dilute the coconut oil with olive oil.

The coffee grounds really are the magic ingredient in this stuff. The caffeine in the grounds stimulates blood flow when rubbed on the skin. This blood flow starts the healing process, and this is when those scars start to heal. This is great for stretch marks, scars, even cellulite!

Sea salt draws excess fluid out and helps tighten the skin. This process is why people lose so much water weight when they get wraps.

Lastly, raw honey is super moisturizing, and contains tons of antioxidants. These antioxidants help neutralize free radicals that are responsible for the aging process. There's a reason Cleopatra bathed in milk and honey!

Not only does this scrub help, but you smell delicious too!

Happy scrubbing ladybugs!

Made in the USA- Week 1

After my last blog I quickly realized how I picked a particularly hard month to do this.

This month I have Mother's Day, my little brother's graduation, my birthday, (which technically won't be a challenge for me, but rather, for Patrick) and Lukas' first birthday. (Although, due to my psychotic need to plan a memorable first birthday, I've had most of the necessary party supplies for over a month) 

Patrick informed me he wasn't going to be able to get me a birthday present because it would be all too hard to find something American-made that I will like. (Someone help him!) L-A-Z-Y

Also, a friend pointed out another pro to the American-made project. By purchasing closer to home, I am doing my part to reduce our carbon footprint. Yay!

Per the same conversation I also made a decision as to how I was going to approach this project. Patrick and I do a lot of shopping at our local co-op. They have several more obscure, more green brands- some of which are made in America. While I prefer to buy from "greener" companies, I realize a lot of people don't have access to these same brands- be it because of geographic, or financial limitations. The goal of this project is to identify mainstream, American-made brands that are easily accessible to the masses. I realize not everyone shops at the co-op, and in order for any changes to be made, American-made has to be accessible to everyone.

So week 1 was not too terribly difficult.

We found out that Quilted Northern, and Bounty, are both American-made brands. Both are manufactured by the parent company Georgia-Pacific, and their manufacturing facilities are in Green Bay, Wisconsin. I was kind of disappointed because I'm really a Charmin ultra soft kind of girl, so boo. 

I also found out that the laundry detergent (Charlie's Soap) we use to launder Lukas' cloth diapers is made in the USA. It's also environmentally friendly. We will probably use it for all of our laundry for the time being, but I know Charlie's soap is not accessible to everyone, so I am on the hunt for a "mainstream" alternative.

We use the Walgreens baby wipes, which thankfully, are made in the US. One less product to worry about switching!

I'm noticing companies that do put out American-made products are not shy about letting you know. They put it right out there in big, bold letters for all to see. 

All of our other purchases thus far were food. 

Saturday, we shopped at the farmer's market. This is a fairly typical Saturday morning for me- Patrick; however, is another story. 

I got lots of local goodies, and after a conversation with my friend Ashlie, who has started a locavore project I'm thinking that solely local foods are in our near future! You can check out the details on Ashlie's locavore endeavors here.

I will say this. Buying American-made has cut out our impulse spending. My bank account is thankful!

I'm trying to update on a more regular basis, but Lukas doesn't always make that easy... I'm doing what I can. He's teething so I'm seeing more and more of this face...

Oh what fun! Until next time!

Made in America- it matters.

I work with a lot of American manufacturers. Companies that are still making it in the USA.

That may not seem that important to the average, everyday person, but manufacturing is vital for the health and future of our community, and the surrounding communities. For every 10 manufacturing jobs 16 new jobs are created to service the manufacturer. That's major.

I handle several accounts that have outsourced some of their production to Mexico. They shut down their operations in American cities, laid off American workers, and shipped operations south of the border. You can bet that the factory closing was reported on the news. You can bet that the number of layoffs were reported. What I would also bet, is that the number of jobs that were lost servicing said manufacturer were not reported. Why? Those job losses were not all at once, but they happened. Guaranteed. Families were left struggling. Wondering how they were going to cover their mortgage payment. Or their car note. Or their grocery bill. 

This is happening all the time, and it's my fault. It's your fault. We are all at fault. It's not okay.

It's not okay that in the chase for instant gratification (because, after all, that's what it is when you are chasing down the cheapest price, that you can instantly afford, rather than suck it up, save and pay the premium for quality.) families are losing their homes. Men and women are coming home, having to tell their families that they have to file for unemployment. 

We are a community. We are tightly intertwined. What you do, and where you purchase matters. It affects your neighbor, whether you know it or not. Where that label says that item is manufactured matters. That item stands for jobs. That item stands for homes. That item stands for community. 

With all that being said, I have to put my money where my mouth is. I see the value in "Made in the USA." I value quality items. I value American manufacturing. I value local artisans. 

So because change starts in the hearts of individuals, I'm starting a project. Made in America.

 30 days. After thirty days, it should theoretically be habit. This means I won't be able to instantly gratify those wants or needs. This means I'll have to research items. This means I won't be able to make thoughtless purchases. This means I may have to save to be able to afford the premium for American made. This means I am contributing to American job growth. This means I am keeping American manufacturing in America. This means I'm ensuring the safety of my own job. 

I'll update regularly. We'll see how it goes! 

Wish me luck!

Mustard crusted ribeye

I'm kind of a snob.

I don't mean to be, but I like high quality things. This is including, but not limited to food.

...lucky for me I married an equally snooty food lover.

So when I stumbled upon this little gem of a recipe, I knew we had discovered dinner!

Side note: I don't believe that high quality has to mean high price; however, this was not a cheap dinner- even for cooking at home. In the future we'll save this for a more special occasion than a Tuesday. 

This dish is rich, and succulent, and super fun to make... In part, because you get to use a mortar and pestle, and that's always a good time!

To start you need:

2 tsp mustard seeds
2 tbsp sea salt
1 tsp peppercorns
1 tbsp fresh thyme
1/4 c. olive oil
1/4 c. Dijon mustard
1 stick of softened butter
4 lb beef ribeye
Cooking twine

Preheat the oven to 250 degrees. In the mortar combine the mustard seed, salt, pepper, and thyme, and grind to a course mixture. Mix the olive oil in with the spice mix. In a bowl, mix the butter and Dijon until smooth.

Next, combine the two mixtures.

Rub down the ribeye with olive oil, and then sear your giant mass of meat for 1-2 minutes on high heat on each side. 

After browning the meat, tie the ribeye with cooking twine. Next, brush on the spice mix, and place on a roasting rack. Cook at 250 degrees for 3 hours, or until the meat reaches an internal of 160 degrees. (for medium rare- why would you eat meat any other way?!) 

After you take the meat out of the oven, take some red wine and mix up a quick reduction. With tonight's dinner we had a bottle of pro-mis-q-ous, and used that for the reduction.

Pro-mis-q-ous is a really great California blend that Patrick and I heard about from his mom and step-dad. It very quickly became one of our favorites! It is reasonably priced, and velvety smooth- both plus' in my book! I believe they have it in a white as well, but I don't drink white if I don't have to... 

Back to the food... All I can say- you are lucky I was able to get an after shot. Patrick was not messing around! 

If you give it a try, let me know what you think! Did you make any tweaks? 

It's officially time to head off to dreamland! 

Night, night lovebugs!

-Victoria 

Dear Lukas- 1

Dear Lukas,
I'm writing you today mainly for my own benefit.

So I don't forget.

Not that I really ever could truly forget, but as time goes on it becomes harder to recall the little details. Those little morsels that I deem unforgettable get a little more cloudy. A little more gray. And I need to remember how wonderful you are.

When the days grow longer, and the nights shorter I don't want to lose sight of the way you squeal with delight at the discovery of what once was unknown. I don't want to forget the pure sweetness of your baby's breath. I don't want to lose sight of the wonder in your eyes.

You are growing so fast. Each day you learn something new. You become something new. And I stand amazed by your innocence, and your sweetness, and your goodness.

You are perfection.

Even when you are repeatedly pulling books off the shelf. Even when you are climbing the fireplace. Even when you are spilling gallons of water on the kitchen floor. I love you, and I wouldn't change one thing about you.

From your legs that are strong like trunks, to your eyes that sparkle like the sea. From your hands that are chubby and curious, to your smile that could light up the room.

You are my greatest adventure. You are all that is wild, and free.

Last but not least- you are loved by me.

Love,
Mom

We are never ever ever getting back together...

I've had a tumultuous relationship with my scale for years. Sometimes I love it. Sometimes I hate it. Sometimes I swear it's lying to me. Sometimes I wish it would lie to me. The scale and I are in an abusive relationship, and it's time to break up.

I've got this ritual. Every morning. Wake up. Head to the bathroom where my scale sits in its place of honor in front of my full length mirror. (Clearly, I am a glutton for punishment) weigh myself. Pick apart all the things that need work. Get ready for the day.

Sounds healthy...

For years I have had this number in my head. This apex of perfection. Sometimes I am there. Sometimes I'm not. The fact remains, even when I reach this number I'm not happy. There's always something wrong. Something is not tight enough, or perky enough, or tan enough, or whatever. It's all BS.

So imagine my horror when I completely lost control of my body during my pregnancy, and had so much water retention I could feel my feet "sloshing" when I took a step. I hated my body every day. I couldn't even enjoy my pregnancy because this stupid scale was reminding me every day of my inadequacy. I didn't glow like a pregnant Giselle, and life wasn't fair. I cried. A lot. I picked apart my body, despite the fact that I was growing new life inside of me. It sucked.

After Lukas was born, something happened. My feet stopped sloshing after a week or two. (35 pounds of water retention will do that) While, I was still covered with reminders of this child I carried, I was far less critical of myself. My stomach, that was now riddled with marks where my skin stretched to hold my boy, reminded me of what a powerful creature I am. My nose that I wished for years was my mother's, I began to love, because I gave it to my son, and he is perfection. My thighs that I cursed while trying to squeeze into the latest skinny jeans, I love as I watch my son rest on my lap.

Loving this precious boy has done something remarkable. It has taught me to love myself. Every nook and cranny.

So I've decided it's time to commit 100% to loving myself, in order to be the best mother I can be. That means breaking up with my scale. The fact is, that number doesn't matter. I feel good, I am healthy, and I have a husband who thinks I am smoking hot. In the end, that's all that should matter.

I got this...

Let's talk.

There is a phenomenon I truly don't understand. I hear moms and dads talking about it all the time, and I don't get it.

Self doubt.

I don't claim to be the most confidant woman on the planet. My thighs aren't as tight as they once were. My stomach isn't as flat as it once was. I get nervous before I go into a business meeting. In spite of all this, there is one thing I don't question... I am a rock star momma.

Maybe it's because I'm the oldest of four. Maybe it's because people always told me I would be a great mom, and I believed them, but I don't doubt the majority of parenting decisions. I know that I probably don't make the right choices 100% of the time. I know that life is not always perfect. (As evidenced by my last blog) But you will not catch me doubting my parenting.

I truly believe that my instincts are on point. I truly believe that I know my baby better than any other person or book. So I don't sweat it.

Yes, I make my son's baby food. Yes, we cloth diaper. (And we use disposables too) Yes, I'm still breastfeeding my 10 month old son. (But we supplement too) Yes, I swat my son's hand when he's about to get into something dangerous. Yes, we opted out of several vaccinations. Yes, I work full time. Yes, we co-sleep.

These are some of the few choices every parent makes. These are choices that I have been ridiculed over. (sometimes from both sides of the argument) These are choices that I am 100% confidant that we made the absolute best choice we could.

I don't doubt it. I don't dwell on it. I decide. I move on. Period.

Here's the problem I see. Our society is instilling an attitude of self-doubt among new parents and it is (pardon my French) bullshit.

"You're a horrible parent if you do this."

"Why would you want to do that?"

"You'll regret that later."

We need to come together as a community and say enough is enough. My child is fed. My child is healthy. My child is loved. How you arrive to that place is up to you, and nobody should make you doubt your abilities... Ever.

In the end I wish all parents could feel the way I do.

I know without any shadow of a doubt that I am making the best decisions for our family.

I know that my son doesn't question that his dad and I love him.

I know that I am a rock star.

In the end, that's all that matters.

Baby blues?

I'm irritated.

There I said it.

My sweet little baby is driving me crazy.

I'm tired. I'm stressed. Everything is bugging me. Life is not rainbows and butterflies. It's wet diapers and no wine in the house.

Is it still baby blues if it's 10 months postpartum?

I need a break.

Cloth diapers- the not-so-dirty little secrets

I remember it vividly...

The way my mothers eyes almost bulged out of her head. The look of sheer disbelief. The incredulity oozing from her words.

"Why in God's name would you want to do that?!"

You would think I just told my mother that I intended to go sky-diving at 7 months pregnant, but no. This was the response I received when I told her I was planning on cloth diapering my son. It was the same look I got when I told friends and family that I wanted to have a home birth. Sheer disbelief. I was getting used to that look...

My mother could not understand how her daughter- the same woman who ardently believes in the power of a 6 inch heel, and does not leave the house without a full face on- would choose something so... granola.

The fact is, these are not your granny's cloth diapers. Gone are the days of safety pins, and the dip-and-swish method. Those archaic methods have been replaced with modern marvels like snaps, Velcro, and diaper sprayers. Times have changed. In a fast paced society the modern Eco-conscious parent needed something equally fast-paced, and simple. Thus the modern cloth diaper came to be.

Here's the facts. Cloth diapering is easy. No really, it is... Or at least it can be. In my short time in the mommy club, I've come to discover women have a knack for making things complicated. There are some women who make their own cloth diapers, and that's all well and good- and let's face it- if I didn't work 40 hours a week I would probably do it too.. But, I work full-time...

So here's the deal, I keep it simple. I don't have a fancy cloth diapering pail to let the diapers soak in. I don't dip-and-swish because I do have a gag reflex. I don't use wool because I don't really have a whole lot of time to lanolize, and my son is far to wiggly to hold still to get them on.

Here's what our set-up entails:

  • 2 dozen osocozy prefolds
  • 5 Blueberry one size covers
  • 4 Swaddlebees simplex all-in-ones
  • 1 diaper sprayer
  • 1 Fuzzibunz hanging diaper pail (the zipper bottom is the BEST!)
  • 1 Planet Wise wet bag
  • Charlie's Soap

Clockwise from top left: diaper sprayer and Fuzzibunz hanging diaper pail, Blueberry cover and simplex all-in-one, osocozy prefolds, planet wise wet bag, Simplex all-in-one.

I realize this is not the cheapest setup, but it is way cheaper than disposables and there are ways to make it even cheaper. You can also make it way more expensive if that's what you want...

Now, here's the breakdown, for those of you who are wondering what I'm talking about.

There are tons of different types of diapers. Pre-folds and covers, all-in-ones, pockets, hybrids, woolies, etc. Cloth diapering is not a 'one-size-fits-all' thing. I know families who use exclusively prefolds and covers. I know families who use solely pockets. I know families who only use natural fibers. I know families that use a bit of everything. What works for one family may not work for the next family. And that's totally fine. You have to find what works for you.

When we first started cloth diapering we used exclusively prefolds and covers, and that worked great, until Lukas started sleeping for longer stretches. He would wake up soaked, and pretty soon we were battling some gnarly diaper rash. We tried everything. Finally, my midwife suggested we use a simplex diaper at night. The simplex has a moisture wicking layer to help him feel dry throughout the night. Within a few days of using the simplex diapers Lukas' diaper rash had cleared up. Sometimes you have to adapt a little.


So how does this work?

It's pretty simple actually.

 

 

Start with a cover, a prefold, and a naked baby.

I'm going to go on a quick tangent on the prefolds... You HAVE TO PREWASH! If you don't they will not be absorbent and fluffy. I didn't realize this at the beginning... Luckily, somebody told me this before Lukas was born. We had to wash and dry 5 times to get the diapers to full absorbency before using them.

Take the prefold and fold it into third on the seams. (They've even marked where to fold them... See how easy it is?) Place the folded side down into the cover, and put the diaper one the afore-mentioned naked baby. It's really rocket science.

When the baby needs another diaper change, if the cover is not soiled, just change the prefold. If it is soiled, put on a new prefold, and cover.

If it's just a wet diaper you can put it straight into your diaper pail. If it's dirty, grab your trusty diaper sprayer and hose that diaper into the toilet, and flush away... Then put it in the diaper pail.

At the end of the day take your diaper pail to the washer, unzip the bottom, shake all the diapers in the washer, throw in the bag, and start it up. To prolong the life of the covers, let those air dry. A shower curtain makes an excellent drying rack. Everything else... Throw in the dryer.

If you notice your diapers getting a funky smell, vinegar and super hot water... Or if it is a nice sunny day, let the sun bleach those babies out.

See what a difficult process cloth diapering is... It's really freaking tedious.

Side note... Cloth diapers and standard diaper rash creams do not mix. The creams jack with the absorbency of the diapers... For diaper rash I use breast milk, coconut oil, or this stuff. That salve is absolutely amazing. I used it a ton in the early days of nursing as a nipple cream, and it works wonders. It's all natural and you can get it from the lovely ladies at Terra Tots.

Side note to the other side note... if you are looking for other ways to save money getting set up, and don't want to drop $50 on a diaper sprayer, there are tutorials like this one to DIY for about a third of the price.

Until next time,

Happy Diapering ladybugs!

A working mom's lament

So I've been informed that the masses have been waiting patiently for my next blog...

My apologies to the masses, but I've been slightly wrapped up in Lukas.

Here's the deal. In 3 weeks I will be away from Lukas for 6 days for work. I've known about this trip for a while, but 3 weeks is going to be here in a flash, and I'm dreading being away from that sweet boy for nearly a week. Not to mention the fact that I'm still breast feeding, and trying to pump on a work trip is going to suck. I can picture it now- mascara running down my face while I am attached to the devil suction cups. (Can you tell I love to pump?)

So in anticipation of my trip, I am overloading on hugs, and kisses, and snuggles, and giggles, and baby's breath for the next three weeks. I will be holding him, and whispering how much I love him, and singing to him, until he can't stand me.

The fact of the matter is I am absolutely dreading this trip.

I hate how I constantly feel torn between my baby, and my career. I hate that when my son is sick my first thought is "can I afford to use a sick day?" I hate that when I'm at work I'm thinking about Lukas, and when I'm at home I'm thinking about work. I hate feeling like I'm going to miss my son's milestones. I hate feeling like the backup parent. I hate being away for the majority of my sons waking hours. It's absolutely heart-wrenching.

...but if I'm honest with myself.. I love that I feel a sense of fulfillment, and pride in my work. I love the fact that I have balance in my life. I love that I can trust that my husband is more than capable of making good decisions in the rearing of our child. I love how I feel like super mom because I am doing it all every day. I love how excited Lukas is to see me when I get home.

It's a balancing act, and some days I just want to bawl in my coffee, but I get up and face the day because this is real life. This is my life. And some days it sucks, but most days it's pretty great. I want to dwell in the pretty great, so I'm going to be snuggling for three weeks

Ciao bellas!

Baby food diaries...

Lukas is 8 months old today...

I literally don't want to blink for fear I'll miss something.

He is crawling, pulling up on things, and is now going through separation anxiety.

Patrick and I tried to go on an all-too-rare date last night, and we got a call from my sister in law saying she's tried everything, and he won't calm down. After listening to Lukas scream over the phone Patrick was convinced it was time to go home.

He calmed down as soon as I picked him up... What a turkey.

...we ran out of baby food today, so off to the co-op we went.

I like to put lots of healthy fats in Lukas' foods. (Egg yolks, avocado, goat cheese, etc) It's so good for brain development.

Today we made roasted red peppers, with goat cheese.

Patrick said Lukas was eating better than he was. (Absolutely not true! Patrick is a regular Mario Batali)

This is a super simple recipe, and really yummy! I'm all about keeping foods simple.

To start, set your oven to broil. Coat the peppers lightly with olive oil. I used three medium sized peppers. Set them on a cookie sheet, and put them in the oven. There really isn't a set time for them to be in there. Watch them. The skin will get some black spots, and start bubbling. That's when I turned them. Let them bubble for a few more minutes, and then take them out of the oven.

From there you needed to have kept the plastic grocery bag your produce comes in. Put the peppers in the bag and tie it closed. The bag will start to inflate, and condensation will form. This helps release the skin which is what we want. Let the bag sit for 5-10 minutes.

Take the peppers out and start peeling the skin. If the skin doesn't come off fairly easily chances are you probably didn't roast them long enough, but that's okay- trial and error! You want to try and get as much of the skin off as you can because its tough for babies (and adults) to eat.

After skinning the peppers remove the seeds, and give them a rough chop. From there, mix in about two tablespoons of goat cheese. I used my hands to really incorporate the goat cheese in to the peppers... That and I like to use my hands when I cook. 

I put in a dash or two of sea salt. This is optional. I know some mommas don't like to put salt in their baby's food, and I agree with them to a point, but sea salt has some good minerals in it, and Lukas is much more apt to chow down when his food has a little seasoning to it. 

After that was all said and done I decided that the chunks were a little too big for Lukas so we gave it a few quick pulses with the baby bullet to get the chunks a little smaller. If your little one is not quite ready for the chunkier foods this still makes a great purée. 

Not only that, I'm thinking about using this over some pasta with some salmon, and mushrooms, and... My mouth is watering.

Lukas loved the peppers so much that he wanted to feed himself... Great success!

Happy cooking! (and eating!)

homie don't play that...

So my blog yesterday had several hits from Germany...

I can't say that I know anyone from Germany, so I think that's pretty sweet. Don't be shy Germans, drop me a line!

and send beer...

Today has been rough. I woke up this morning to a baby with a cough that sounded like a seal. This momma doesn't scare too easily when it comes to health. I usually take the laissez-faire approach choosing homeopathic remedies vs. rushing off to the doctor to over medicate, but when it comes to anything respiratory- homie don't play that. So Lukas' butt was in the doctor's office today.

Needless to say dinner tonight was quick, easy, and of course delicious.

Walnut crusted chicken with goat cheese and a raspberry sauce.

It is out of this world good, and great for crazy days like today because you can make a big batch of the raspberry sauce and freeze it, and take it out as needed- which is what we did.

Total prep and cook time tonight approx. 30 minutes.

You kind find a version of the recipe here. The original calls for hazelnut instead of walnuts, but pish posh- it's freakin' delish either way!

We did forget the goat cheese tonight, but it's been hectic today. Give me a break.

Since the little one's finally asleep I'm going to call it a night...

Happy trails, love bugs!

it's cathartic... right?

i've always loved to write. it's cheap therapy.

to be honest there are a lot of things i do for cheap therapy, but that's a whole other blog.

this time it's different. i'm different.

for starters, i have a wedding ring on my left hand, and a baby on my boob. i find myself reflecting all the time, wondering where the time has gone, and where the hell these love handles came from? i'm constantly trying to find the balance between work, and love, and motherhood, and let me tell you something- in the age of pinterest overloaded stepford wives, it's a constant struggle. so this is my attempt at reigning in my sanity. i will never claim to have it all figured out, but i'm growing and learning every day...

...these are my mrs.adventures.